Set Your Psychological Default Mode On Success

Set Your Psychological Default Mode On Success

Copyright © 2005 Eve Delunas, Ph.D.

Inner Vision Resources

http://www.innervisionresources.com/







Life has a way of challenging us with the unexpected. A deal

falls through at the last minute. An employee quits when we need

him most. We lose our most important account without warning. No

matter how hard we try to control life's circumstances, these

unforeseen difficulties sneak up on us just when everything seems

to be going smoothly.



Your psychological default mode--that is, your typical reaction

or response to life's unpleasant complications--can either

contribute to or detract from your level of success. It can also

directly affect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.



Often our psychological default mode is such a habit that we

aren't even consciously aware of it. When we take a good look

at how we typically respond to life's unexpected troubles, we

discover a lot about ourselves, and open the door to the

possibility of change. Just like the default mode on your

computer, you can reset your own default mode if it isn't

getting you the results you desire.



What follows are descriptions of five common default mode

patterns. Keep in mind that we may demonstrate these patterns to

a greater or lesser degree. Also, one person may exhibit any

combination of these tendencies. Later in this article, we will

look at how you can reset your personal default mode.





FIVE COMMON DEFAULT MODE PATTERNS



1. The Blamer Mode. Here we look to assign blame for whatever has

gone wrong. Instead of seeking positive ways to resolve an

unpleasant situation, we waste a lot of time and energy trying to

determine who is at fault. This default mode tends to provoke

defensiveness in others.



2. The Victim Mode. Here we react to our misfortune by concluding

that we have been unfairly targeted by others or life itself. We

may engage in self pity (Why me?) and lament about how badly we

are being treated. Due to our feelings of powerlessness, we may

fail to take effective action.



3. The Fighter Mode. Here we become angered by life's setbacks,

and vow to do battle with whomever or whatever has caused the

problem. We need to win, and see life's unexpected difficulties

as a temporary loss that must be avenged in the game of life.

This default mode tends to blind us to alternative perspectives

which can be helpful in resolving a problem.



4. The Perfectionist Mode. Here we turn inward and attack the

self. We use life's inevitable upsets as an excuse to criticize

ourselves beyond measure. We view every disappointing situation

as a personal failure and focus exclusively on our own mistakes

or shortcomings. We may become paralyzed by our negative self- analysis.



5. The Responder Mode. Here we assess our current challenge and

calmly devise a plan of action. We remain focused on finding and

implementing the best solution for the situation we face. We

avoid the traps of attaching blame, feeling victimized, becoming

enraged, or attacking the self. Instead, we consider what went

wrong, make adjustments to reduce the likelihood that the same

problem will reoccur, and take responsible action to minimize

losses and maximize gains. This default mode tends to engender

respect and cooperation among coworkers.





RESETTING YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFAULT MODE



So, how do you reset your psychological default mode, if your

current way of reacting or responding to life's challenges isn't

working for you? Here are seven steps you can take to change your

response patterns.



1. Establish your intention to change. Write down a description

of the new behavior you wish to demonstrate, and tell yourself

this is your intended goal. Post your written intentions

somewhere so you can read it everyday.



2. Activate your imagination. Take a few minutes every day to

visualize yourself responding in the new way. Your imagination is

a powerful tool for activating the changes you desire.



3. Find a role model. Is there a person who demonstrates the

default mode you would most like to emulate? When faced with a

difficult situation, ask yourself, "How would ________ handle

this challenge?"



4. Monitor yourself. Notice your reaction patterns. Watch, but

don't judge what you see in yourself. Be a neutral observer of

your own behavior.



5. Heal old wounds. Sometimes our emotional reactivity is due to

unresolved situations from our past. By healing and releasing the

past, we can deactivate emotional triggers and free ourselves to

respond differently in the present.



6. Celebrate your successes. Every time you consciously choose to

behave differently, give yourself a big pat on the back. Focus on

the positive changes you are making, however small, and watch

them multiply.



7. Be patient. It takes a little time to change an old habit.

Just know if you keep at it, you will succeed. Maintain your

focus on how you want to behave, and you will eventually find it

quite natural to respond in the new way when life's unexpected

challenges present themselves.







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Eve Delunas, Ph.D., psychotherapist, author, speaker, trainer

Offers proven strategies to help you rise above your limitations

and soar. Breaking the Spell of the Past--Book and Guided

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Write to: mailto:eve@innervisionresources.com